Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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