ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
