so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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