It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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