I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
