I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
