I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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