I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
