need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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