Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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