I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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