Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have aggressive nipples.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
