Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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