This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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