Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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