I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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