Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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