you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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