she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
