she was so not down for the gang bang
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
