Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
