im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
