I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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