Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
