And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
