so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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