Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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