I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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