Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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