I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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