sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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