I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
