actually, I'm a sock model
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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