I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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