Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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