He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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