It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
