I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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