She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
why is half of my head shaved?
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