Farmville is her only friend.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
