I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
