would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
