how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
