i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
