just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
