I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
