We're like a lot better than the average bears
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
