i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
