Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
