I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
