fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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