ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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