I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
