remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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